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|I find myself at a juncture wherein I must either stay in stagnation or break free and purge myself of a great deal of my past.|
|I know I wrote of this in my last article, but I wasn't taking things seriously enough at that point, as I was dealing with so many new things.|
|As it goes, the intensity in which my situation presents itself is continuing to magnify.|
|Concurrent events are drawing me in both directions and I find myself in a very perplexing state of existence.|
|New experiences and new challenges have flooded my life as of late and capturing time to spend it doing the things I want has been difficult at best.|
|Despite that, I see the person I would become if I chose stagnation, and that route leads to a deadened and miserable existence.|
|I know it, because I was headed that way – before the reboot, I had shut all non-surface emotions down after many failures and sought to become cynical and stoic in order to be immune to all things that may cause conflict.|
|In coincidence (which seems to be happening a lot lately), I chose to listen to Meshuggah's "The Violent Sleep of Reason" while writing this article, and a lyric in the first song "Clockworks" caught my ear – "to purge myself of this condition".|
|I then decided to read the rest of the lyrics and was flooded with emotion because of how eerily accurate they are to my situation.|
|Thankfully, I have managed to dismantle most of the clockwork that made me the cynic, though a lot of the stoic remains, which I don't see as a bad thing.|
|However, I am still left with much of what I collected in my wake – the things that belonged to the past me that hold no relevance to the present me.|
|They held relevance when I sought to shut the outside world out of my realm of experience and live in my own world, but now that I no longer choose to do that, they are creating a consistent reminder of their incongruency.|
|I find myself fixing my eyes with a steeled gaze quite often these days while the words "keep moving forward" reverberate through my head.|
|I generally only stop when I shut down to sleep, so I will follow this basic tenet that I came up with – approach it, meet it, see it through, and move forward.|
|Grab me a shovel – I've got more digging out to do.|
|This is a page that Jason built. Previous article. Next article.|