Jason Vincion
Head brewer at Outlander Brewing and ambient musician.
My music is on Amazon, Apple Music, Bandcamp, Google Play, iTunes, Microsoft Groove, and Spotify.
You can also find me on Ello, Instagram, SoundCloud, Twitter, and YouTube.
Feel free to contact me at mail@jasonvincion.com.

Purging
I find myself at a juncture wherein I must either stay in stagnation or break free and purge myself of a great deal of my past.

I know I wrote of this in my last article, but I wasn't taking things seriously enough at that point, as I was dealing with so many new things.

As it goes, the intensity in which my situation presents itself is continuing to magnify.

Concurrent events are drawing me in both directions and I find myself in a very perplexing state of existence.

New experiences and new challenges have flooded my life as of late and capturing time to spend it doing the things I want has been difficult at best.

Despite that, I see the person I would become if I chose stagnation, and that route leads to a deadened and miserable existence.

I know it, because I was headed that way – before the reboot, I had shut all non-surface emotions down after many failures and sought to become cynical and stoic in order to be immune to all things that may cause conflict.

In coincidence (which seems to be happening a lot lately), I chose to listen to Meshuggah's "The Violent Sleep of Reason" while writing this article, and a lyric in the first song "Clockworks" caught my ear – "to purge myself of this condition".

I then decided to read the rest of the lyrics and was flooded with emotion because of how eerily accurate they are to my situation.

Thankfully, I have managed to dismantle most of the clockwork that made me the cynic, though a lot of the stoic remains, which I don't see as a bad thing.

However, I am still left with much of what I collected in my wake – the things that belonged to the past me that hold no relevance to the present me.

They held relevance when I sought to shut the outside world out of my realm of experience and live in my own world, but now that I no longer choose to do that, they are creating a consistent reminder of their incongruency.

I find myself fixing my eyes with a steeled gaze quite often these days while the words "keep moving forward" reverberate through my head.

I generally only stop when I shut down to sleep, so I will follow this basic tenet that I came up with – approach it, meet it, see it through, and move forward.

Grab me a shovel – I've got more digging out to do.

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